I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
