So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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