If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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