Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
