i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
