she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
