I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
