so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
