my soul wont recognize me after tonight
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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