i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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