Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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