You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
