they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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