turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
