he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think your dad took our porno
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I FOUND THE LEGS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
