would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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