Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
