I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
