Kiss
Puke
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
