tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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