I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
