Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
