I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
