woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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