I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
