My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
