Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
