I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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