There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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