I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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