This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
