I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
