the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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