Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions