Got a toothbrush?
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?