I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me