Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.