he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?