I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish