I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
