things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
