no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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