I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
