lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
