She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you had me at cake vodka
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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