she was so not down for the gang bang
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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