we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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