Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
