I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
