dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
