it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
