I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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