Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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