It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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