I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
