The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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