i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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