Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
