I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
