Your mouth is God's brothel.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Success! We fucked roommates!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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