how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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