Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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