i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
