And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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