Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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