if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
