I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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