the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
