she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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