It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
