she woke up with a sticky ear
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
