apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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