They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I didn't notice because vodka
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
