I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
