i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
