The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
