i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
