The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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