In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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