38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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