Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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