I'm eating all of the evidence.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
