brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
