I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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