Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
