She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
