Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
