Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
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