so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
