if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
