My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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