I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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